Women

 I'm convinced the female gender is retarded. They won't admit it. In fact they believe the opposite to be true, but they don't factor in logic and rationality. I'd probably receive mountains of hate mail calling me a misogynist or sexist for saying that(if anyone actually read this blog). But it's true, I know it, you know it, THEY know it, they just don't want to admit it. Well sometimes they do, lots of women like to bitch about how stupid, catty, backstabbing and petty other women are. “I don't hangout with women,” a lot of women I know say, “they're too much drama.”

What the fuck does it say about your gender that you won't hangout with each other? There is competing philosophy that says the women who don't have female friends are the ones that are bitchy and cause drama, they're just more conniving and manipulative. Either way you have two groups in your gender saying the other evil. Which pretty much makes all of you that way. Now maybe my sample is too small to make this claim about all women. But I can say with some certainty that this definitely applies to all American women. I'm basing all this on my conversations with women and my 28 years of life experience and my own mother telling me how evil girls are my whole life.

I don't believe this is all entirely your fault though. I think it has to do with the way you're raised to view every woman as competition for the best men. How you're conditioned to hate women that you perceive to be better than you. It also has a lot to do with pop culture. The way movies show fucked up relationship models and the way your mothers taught you that when boys picked on you on the playground it meant they liked you. Although this last point explains more of why women are attracted to assholes who treat them like shit.

So basically the odds are stacked against you. You're destined to be crazy, manipulative, backstabbing, bitches. Another reason I'm glad I have a penis. Maybe if you're aware of how you've been programmed you can work to change it. You can recognize when you're being rational and stop yourself. Maybe you'll say to yourself, “wait a minute, that's the reaction a crazy person would have. Let's reevaluate the situation.” I doubt it though, you're too emotional to be rational. And you would have to already be rational to realize you were being irrational. So I guess your gender is fucked. And most men are hosed because they will allow themselves to be controlled and manipulated for pussy.

This is another thing that pisses me off. If this is the age of equality and women expect equal pay for equal work, equal rights, equality in every aspect of life. Then why is pussy more valuable than dick? Why do women still expect chivalry when they don't uphold their end of the social contract. If you wish to be favored, taken care of, placed on a pedestal if you will, then you have to do your part. Whatever that may be. In my opinion it means sucking my dick and keeping the house clean. One person shouldn't be doing all the work in the relationship. My only conclusion is that you don't want equality, you want dominance and subjugation. You want to treat men these days like men in the past treated women in the past. What kind of fucked up sense does that make? WHY THE FUCK do we have to pay for crimes committed by people in the past. This only breeds resentment and furthers the separation and distrust between the genders. It's like fighting to end war or fucking for abstinence, counterproductive.

So until you bitches can sort your shit out, I'll be over here using your own tricks against you.

P.S. I'm leaving the gold digging and what not alone, because, as all men know, no matter who she is or where you met her, you eventually pay for it. 

Not That I'm An Expert: How To Pick Up Chicks

Another wasted day sitting at the compost site. I really shouldn't bitch, when people yearn to have one job and i've got three, two of which are very cushy. Sitting at the compost site wasting my potential. Trying to write something readable, interesting, and possibly significant. Meanwhile, I drink and smoke and fuck and party, responsibly.

I've found moderation, so to speak. Sometimes it doesn't work out. But mostly anymore I can find the perfect level of intoxication where my sliver tongue is not impeded by my lack of confidence and I can woo any woman. Can't do it if i'm stoned though, I just stare like a downy and drool all over myself. I'm lucky if I manage to mumble “titties” let alone carry on witty conversation that lets me get into the chicks pants.

Cuz lets face it folks i'm not getting the cover of men's health anytime soon. I've always been heavy set and I like to eat. So go fuck yourself if you've got a problem with that. But anyway, i'm not winning any body building competitions so i've got to literally charm the pants off of girls. Luckily i'm well read and well traveled, at least in the country, haven't got out of it yet. But I plan to.

So I tell them i'm a writer, and that Californication show is kind of popular, I don't look like a fat david duchovny or anything. But they almost expect you to be a boozing, womanizing, down for anything kind of guy. So I play that up, a little. Thank you sir. Maybe I tell them i'm published, but it's true, kind of. As far as I know the stuff I wrote for that doctor's website was published on his website. But it was mostly bullshit and I didn't get paid that much. I did get paid though and my terms for calling yourself something legitimately are: You have to be paid to do the job to call yourself a doer of said job. I was paid to write something, ergo I am a writer(however, middle school science teachers that teach kids to shoot off those small rockets are not rocket scientists, sorry).

Three words, just go with it. Thing of it is though, i've been that way since I was like 15. ask people I grew up with, my place was always where the party was at. Which was awesome and terrible at the same time. Nerve racking as all hell, running what was essentially an underage club, a minor speakeasy if you will, on the weekends when my mom was out of town. Trying to keep the noise down, watch out for cops and still let people have fun, get drunk, get laid. Got busted a couple times. Had 3 minor consumption tickets before I was 18. did I mention alcoholism runs on my dad's side. I've got it under control now, mostly. Swear.

I always say its gotta be 2 outta 3. when ever you try something ya gotta make sure the first time wasn't a fluke so ya gotta go 2 outta 3. just to be sure. Except butt stuff, that grosses me out. I'm not into dudes. If that's your thing that's fine. Who you want to fuck is your business, unless you want to fuck me, then it's my business and the answer is no. I might let you blow me tho, depends on how long it's been.

So back to being a writer, sometimes that angle works if I get the right chick and play it the right way. The angle not her, she's not an it, she's a person. Just dumber, easily swayed with booze and bravado. Not that i'm not, i'm a sucker for a pretty face. Ya just gotta know how to play the angles.

Kony 2012

 This whole Kony 2012 movement cracks me up. I'm glad people are trying to help other people. This guy is a monster and should be killed, but the self-righteous overtones of the video are just too much for me. They really think that rush limbaugh is going to thelp their cause? They really think politicians care about the impoverished nation of Uganda. Poor naïve bastards.

Was there a recent oil or rare earth mineral deposit discovered that I didn't hear about? Of course not, so of course they don't care. Yes they allocated 100 advisors to train the Ugandan army to find and capture Kony. But if they really wanted to heed the people's will and stop this Christian they would have sent a battalion of troops or that Seal Team Six Unit to go in and wipe him out. We have that ability, the government just doesn't care. And I can't say I blame them. With all the problems in our own country we don't have the resources to run around the world solving everyone else's problems.

It also pisses me off that these hipster douches have to go to a foreign country to make a difference. Why can't they find a cause to support in America. There are plenty of evil people exploiting children here. There are plenty of starving, under educated children that need a meal and better schooling. But since they are in this country it's not cool to help them so nobody cares. Fucking hipsters and their manufactured charity.

This invisible children organization isn't the most respected charity either. Only about a third of the donations they receive go towards helping the kids. The rest goes to the maintaining the swanky lifestyle of the documentarians. Cutting edge tech and trendy clothes are expensive you know. Maybe i'm a cynical asshole. Maybe this is the documentarian's way of dealing with his white guilt. I don't know for sure it just feels like a sham to me. Like this guy is using these atrocities to jump start his career as a film maker. It is working tho, that shit went viral super quick, probably due to him using his son's cuteness to tug on the heart strings of teenagers and housewives. I give it a month, maybe 2 before people forget about this and the hipsters move on to the next cause they think it's cool to believe in for a little while. I doubt he will be captured this year. Unless oil is discovered in Uganda

Here's a wild one for ya, what if the Invisible Children organization is actually a secret arm of the L.R.A. What if Kony came up with the whole idea to raise money for his war. Guns and ammo are expensive you know and it's hard to raise money for a war with no real purpose, unless you're the US military. Most sociopaths crave attention right. So what if Kony came up with this whole campaign as a way to make himself famous and raise money for his child army? It's a crack pot theory that probably isn't true. But ya never know these days, the world is a fucked up place.